No idea what I'm attempting to do here. Waving perhaps? Doesn't really come across well in a still photo! I had a bit of a breakthrough at the weekend. Well actually two. I'd been trialling cleansers and one aspect of testing involved how well the cleansing milks removed makeup. With me not wearing any just now, I left this bit until the end and on Sunday quickly applied makeup and removed half of my face with each cleanser. I had 7 in total, so that took 4 makeup applications, I was knackered! The breakthrough was me finding, that I looked better without makeup than with. Ok, so I know I was applying it quickly, but I looked like a little girl playing with her Mum's makeup...or a clown!
The foundation and blusher was fine, but the eye makeup felt like a hassle to apply and was the part that made me look really weird! I was actually glad to get it off and back to my bare face! The second was at physio last week. When I came out of the hospital, I bumped into an old school friend. Normally I'd be recoiling at the thought of someone I know, seeing me without makeup, hair a mess etc but I just smiled, said "Hello" and didn't let it trouble me. I didn't start panicking about how she must think I look ill/like crap, I just let it go. That's HUGE for me. In the past, I've felt really embarrassed that other people are seeing me look so bad, which is a ridiculous pressure for someone that's been so ill, to still try and look perfectly made up at all times. In a way I think it's good that it's pushed me over the years to attempt all these things (getting dressed up, doing my hair, wearing makeup) when I haven't felt up to it, but on the other hand, I wonder if my energy could've been put to better use elsewhere, rather than worrying about what people think of me based on my appearance or trying to keep up the "everything is fine" facade. I'm going to be talking more about this tomorrow, because it's too much for one day, so check back then x
Day 18 #BeRealMarch