Our last day of #BeRealMarch. I feel like I should have this massive speech prepared, concluding the mission! I don't, before you get too excited! I do have some thoughts though. It went much quicker than I expected and I can't believe we've had 31 posts and photos already. On a personal level, it was also much easier than I anticipated. I thought at some point I'd struggle or have a day where I desperately wanted to edit the photo or delete the ones I'd taken and not have anything new to post. I didn't and I think that's brilliant. I didn't get caught up in my own head and overthink it and I reckon I must be in a pretty good place right now, that posting such personal and I suppose, 'vulnerable' photos wasn't a big deal for me.
A massive contributing factor to that though was you lot. You'd all been so open to the idea of me doing this and I knew if I cheated, I'd be letting you down and feel immensely guilty about it, so it wasn't even a temptation. My skin played a role too. Having gone all my life with clear skin then developing adult acne, well it's something I'm hugely self conscious of and makeup (and/or photo editing) is my bestest buddy to conceal it. I've still not really found the right products for me that work all the time, so I continually have breakouts and they are incredibly slow to heal. Aside from a few spots at the start, I had no other breakouts and my skin is slowly clearing up. I mean it's far from perfect, but I'm able to look at it in photos without freaking out. It's like it no longer has this 'hold' over me and I think the process of forcing a photo every day has been cathartic for that. I've pointed out parts of me I dislike and try to hide, but I have other supposed 'imperfections' that I'm more tolerant of. So I think I realised I needed to have the same attitude to all and just let it go and not let it trouble me. Though that's a work in progress! The thing that surprised me the most was when people starting liking and reblogging my photos on social media. I just never considered that bare faced, un-edited photos of myself would be something that people would want to share.
The statement I was trying to make was well received and understood. I think there were a couple of misunderstandings, but it was really nice to hear everyone's opinions (good or bad). You know when you see how a magic trick is done and you're disappointed because it's no longer magical? I think some people felt I was doing that, revealing too much and taking away this 'perfect' blogger facade. I'm not anti-makeup or anti-glam or trying to show myself at my worst and I haven't been 'faking it' thus far. I just want to acknowledge that we aren't perfect all the time and shouldn't feel obliged to be, in order to be a good person/blogger/whatever. Sometimes I look like crap, some days my makeup makes me feel like J-Lo, but at the end of the day I'm a person and all bloggers are real people, so we need to keep that in mind and not hold ourselves to some higher power where we can't be less than perfect.
I still feel like I haven't done enough and this hasn't reached who I wanted it to (nobody specific). I think the issue I was trying to address. remains and although I knew I wasn't going to change the world overnight (or in a month), I feel like I could still try and do more. I am thrilled that I'm trying though.
I had over a year to get used to my face, body and hair without all the glamour that I was known for and it did take a bit of getting used to. I'm learning to like what I see in the mirror without the makeup and fancy hair and that can never be a bad thing. I'm slowly realising I'm not the ogre I thought I was, without makeup (though if ogres look like they do in Shrek, I always think they're cuter than the 'pretty' people in it)! I hope that by releasing these photos, it's meant everyone can get used to me like this and I don't have to feel embarrassed to show a bare faced photo or leave the house without makeup. Like I say, I seem to be in a 'couldn't care less' zone right now, but long may it continue. I'm not going to let what other people think of me, reflect until it becomes my own opinion and snowballs into a personal pressure to look a certain way. I'm still me, with or without the makeup and clothes. I hope you've enjoyed this feature and got something out of it yourself, because that was my aim. I've genuinely loved our chats every day, like Kezzie said, it's been like talking to a friend. Thank you x
Day 31 #BeRealMarch