Day 31 #BeRealMarch

Our last day of #BeRealMarch. I feel like I should have this massive speech prepared, concluding the mission! I don't, before you get too excited! I do have some thoughts though. It went much quicker than I expected and I can't believe we've had 31 posts and photos already. On a personal level, it was also much easier than I anticipated. I thought at some point I'd struggle or have a day where I desperately wanted to edit the photo or delete the ones I'd taken and not have anything new to post. I didn't and I think that's brilliant. I didn't get caught up in my own head and overthink it and I reckon I must be in a pretty good place right now, that posting such personal and I suppose, 'vulnerable' photos wasn't a big deal for me. 

A massive contributing factor to that though was you lot. You'd all been so open to the idea of me doing this and I knew if I cheated, I'd be letting you down and feel immensely guilty about it, so it wasn't even a temptation. My skin played a role too. Having gone all my life with clear skin then developing adult acne, well it's something I'm hugely self conscious of and makeup (and/or photo editing) is my bestest buddy to conceal it. I've still not really found the right products for me that work all the time, so I continually have breakouts and they are incredibly slow to heal. Aside from a few spots at the start, I had no other breakouts and my skin is slowly clearing up. I mean it's far from perfect, but I'm able to look at it in photos without freaking out.  It's like it no longer has this 'hold' over me and I think the process of forcing a photo every day has been cathartic for that.  I've pointed out parts of me I dislike and try to hide, but I have other supposed 'imperfections' that I'm more tolerant of.  So I think I realised I needed to have the same attitude to all and just let it go and not let it trouble me.  Though that's a work in progress!  The thing that surprised me the most was when people starting liking and reblogging my photos on social media.  I just never considered that bare faced, un-edited photos of myself would be something that people would want to share.    

Day 30 #BeRealMarch

Ach, I'm up far too early this morning! The painter was due and of course, typical that nobody else is home, other than me! I'm having horrid flashbacks to the renovations last year and how I usually had to cope with everyone coming and going and all the upheaval. I mean the guy will get on with it himself, but it meant I had to be up early to let him in (in my jammies naturally) and I didn't know what time to expect him. Plus he'll not be getting a cuppy, because I can't go up and down the stairs several times in a day! You know how you have nothing planned, then suddenly everything is scheduled for that day?

Day 29 #BeRealMarch

Did you remember to put your clocks forward an hour? I always get muddled this time of year, trying to work out what was, what is and what on earth is going on! My Dad collects (literally hundreds of) clocks, so changing them takes weeks and we always discover one that was missed a few months down the line. Of course it's much easier to wind it forward an hour (you should never really wind the hands backwards) rather than in autumn, losing an hour.

Day 28 #BeRealMarch

Hello! I've been so terribly lethargic these past couple of days. I slept until ridiculously late yesterday, got up, felt a bit sicky after breakfast, then went into the conservatory which was all nice and sunny and warm and shut my eyes. Bad idea! I didn't want to wake up, but had to, because I had loads of blog stuff to get through. Sometimes you have an unexpected post crop up (in this case, the blind cleansing milk trial), that takes priority and you have to ignore other things you've been desperate to do. I've been much more relaxed about blogging lately though and not gotten myself worked up when I've missed a personal deadline.

Day 27 #BeRealMarch

I got the latest issue of ASOS magazine in the post this week. There was a page in it regarding their #AsSeenOnMe feature. I took a look and was reminded exactly why I started #BeRealMarch.  I mean obviously they are going to pick the 'best' photos and I'm only singling ASOS out as an example, but it's fair to say most sites with "customer photos" are guilty of this. The photos were all professional. Every single one, looked like a professional photographer had taken it and was styled and shot in such a slick way, that I can only describe it as "unnatural".  Now I realise this may come across as some sort of personal attack on those who have been featured in that article and that's really not my intention.  I'm trying to say this as tactfully as I can, but I do have a strong opinion on it (and granted, that's perhaps not shared).      

Day 26 #BeRealMarch

I have no idea what that tiny red spot is next to my nose...I can't really see it in the mirror! Made all the more obvious by the white patch because I'd just taken my glasses off. Isn't it strange how some things are amplified in photos and others become less noticeable? Anyway, I can't really think what to say today! As much as I'll miss these posts, some days I'm winging it and waffling!

Day 25 #BeRealMarch

I tried a little 'not so scientific' social experiment the other week. I'm not saying the results were conclusive, but I just wanted to test something out. I published two photos to Tumblr, one without makeup or editing and one with makeup and purposefully heavily edited (to the point I had no freckles and even took my scars out). Actually I decided in order for the test to be a little fairer, I used a faint tint (the same on both), so nobody could guess what I was doing. I posted both within a couple of minutes of one another and left the tags on both exactly the same, so as not to gain more 'likes' with a popular tag or time. I also tried to find two photos with a vaguely similar pose (though that was actually pretty hard).

Day 24 #BeRealMarch

So I decided to push myself a little more as we near the end of BeRealMarch and although this hasn't been a conscious decision, most of my selfies have been taken with my phone. For ease really, because my phone is always sitting there and it's pretty easy to upload photos from it afterwards. The quality of them, isn't as great (obviously) as on my DSLR, so I thought I'd take one or two on my DSLR too.

Day 23 #BeRealMarch

Ah, so another new week and the results are in for my blog stats on Bloglovin' last week. I have to say it was an all-time record...but did it go up or down?

Day 22 #BeRealMarch

I'm in the middle of uploading all my BeRealMarch photos thus far to Tumblr (because I've been terrible at keeping up to date) and next week, I'll add the entire album to Facebook too with links to each post.

Day 21 #BeRealMarch

Really quick post tonight, because I've babbled on quite a bit this week already and we've been babysitting my nephews today (and tonight), so I'm trying to work while they're in bed. This was me yesterday after a shower.

Day 20 #BeRealMarch

Sorry this post is so late, time got away from me today. Anyway, yesterday I spoke about the wee breakthrough I had regarding wearing makeup and today I'm looking at where that pressure has come from. Firstly, I love makeup. I love playing with it, applying it, buying it, just looking at it. I can remember being so excited when I was younger and my parents let me order from Yves Rocher (which became an extremely regular thing) and that anticipation of waiting for the order and opening that huge box to see what lotions and perfumes and makeup items were inside. I'm no psychologist, but I had grown up with two stunning sisters and always felt like "the ugly one" in comparison. I was the odd one out, the one with freckles, the one with glasses, the one with mousey, wavy hair, the one with small eyes. They were beautiful and cute (respectively) and I was the weird one. So wearing makeup, changing my hairstyle (constantly) and even the clothes, not only reflected me as a person (like I say, I do love beauty and fashion), but it was a way to make myself feel and look 'prettier'. Makeup is a powerful tool at enhancing beauty and can also mask (a little) those parts you aren't so fond of. I wouldn't go anywhere near saying I was trying to be somebody else or not being "me", I just loved getting dressed up and expressing myself that way.

Though that comes at a price, because everyone then expects it of you, all the time. My friends at school would bet on what my hair would look like that day, so I had to do something different or better each day. Random people have stopped me to tell me how much they admire the way I dress or my hair or shoes. The old ladies at church used to love me walking up the aisle to get the hymn books, because it was like a wee catwalk where they could see what I was wearing. Complete strangers know me as 'the girl with the shoes' or 'coloured hair' or 'fancy outfits', so they expect me to 'dazzle' them each time I see them, even when I don't know I'm making this impression on them.  Look even at physio now, they actually phone other staff members up to come and see my shoes!  I have to wear a different pair each time and just last week the receptionist told me it's the highlight of their week, when I come in.  I actually think that's really sweet that something as simple as shoes can evoke that in strangers and I do enjoy it, I genuinely do. There's no doubt, it's a huge pressure though. One that's become all the larger because I've felt the need to keep it up, even over the past 13 years of illness.

Day 19 #BeRealMarch

No idea what I'm attempting to do here. Waving perhaps? Doesn't really come across well in a still photo! I had a bit of a breakthrough at the weekend. Well actually two. I'd been trialling cleansers and one aspect of testing involved how well the cleansing milks removed makeup. With me not wearing any just now, I left this bit until the end and on Sunday quickly applied makeup and removed half of my face with each cleanser. I had 7 in total, so that took 4 makeup applications, I was knackered! The breakthrough was me finding, that I looked better without makeup than with. Ok, so I know I was applying it quickly, but I looked like a little girl playing with her Mum's makeup...or a clown!

Day 18 #BeRealMarch

I woke up feeling a bit down on the world today. Technical difficulties with the blog (which is like a red rag to a bull in terms of stress for me) though hopefully I fixed it, without ruining something else! Then the absolute and utter balls up that was MAC Cinderella!

Day 17 #BeRealMarch

I only noticed the creases on my face as I uploaded this photo and saw it larger. I did just wake up, so I guess that's why I have lines across my eyelid and forehead!

Day 16 #BeRealMarch

So I was a little disappointed the week before last, to find I'd lost 2 followers. No big deal you'd think, but every week I get a little summary from Bloglovin' of who is following each of my blogs (actually my Tumblr is on there too, so you can follow it even if you're not on Tumblr). I rarely have 'minus' followers and certainly never two in one week, which is why I noticed it. It could of course be completely unrelated, but it struck me as a massive coincidence that it occurred in the first week of #BeRealMarch.

Day 15 #BeRealMarch

I took this photo last night before bed, rather dishevelled and tired. I've queued this post because I have a feeling I'll be having a lie-in this morning! Too much activity over the past couple of days for me!

Day 14 #BeRealMarch

Quick post today and sorry it's later than usual. My nephews came through to see us, so I had to 'entertain' for hours!

Day 13 #BeRealMarch

Ok, so I've scheduled this post, because I have physio today and knew I probably wouldn't have time for it. There's also the launch of the dinosaur heels today, so I can't miss that!  I look like I've barely slept in this photo...do you know the saying "you look like a half shut knife", is that a Scottish thing or a 'my family' thing?  Anyway, I do look like a half shut knife!

Day 12 #BeRealMarch

Hola! I'm feeling a bit chipper today after turning moody these past couple of days. I'm just getting frustrated and letting things get me down, when I'd usually brush them off. To be expected I suppose.