Life Lately: Week 3

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I expected this post to be a little less mundane than usual, as I actually left the house and did something for once (nothing 'exciting' sadly).  I wanted to be really truthful about how that feels, but it's hard to put into words without sounding like a narcissistic moanbag!  I suspect I'll cut a lot of this out, but read on for a summary of that week.  

What I've been doing; On Wednesday I went to the dentist for a check-up.  This was my first time out of the house this year and it's hard to find adequate words to convey how that feels for someone that hasn't lived it.  This is my life now, leaving the house twice a year for dental check-ups.  I'm glad to get out, obviously, but that's combined with an apprehension about mixing with people and just being out in public.  You have to remember that I only converse with my family at home, so I'm not accustomed to speaking or listening to others and since the pandemic, I've barely left the house, so I still wear my mask (my dentist is within a hospital/health centre) and am cautious about touching things or being near people.  Whilst I'm not massively nervous about mixing and going outside, it's not something that I'm keen to do either.    

There's also some anxiety about my appearance.  I will say none of these things are all-consuming to the point I have to be dragged out of the house (Christina Hendricks style in that episode of Without A Trace), but then over the past 24 years of being ill, I've learnt to suppress my feelings for a lot of things.  As examples, I act like I have no desire to go outside, I wouldn't want to raise a child the way the world is today, as for hobbies and interests? I try to pretend I don't really care because it's easier that way.  I know I can't magic energy up from somewhere, so it's simpler to say I'm not interested in getting out or doing this or that.  In a way you kind of need that mentality in order to stay sane and carry on.  So, I put on a front that it's so much easier now that I just throw on my usual comfy dress (literally two dresses on rotation until I wear through them), grab the first pair of shoes that fit (regardless of whether they go with what I'm wearing) and head out the door.  It genuinely is easier than it used to be.  Deep down, am I mortified that I'm make-up free with greying, messy hair and a really badly put together outfit? Yes, but what can I do?

I actually had the opticians last year and it wasn't my usual guy (but his sister instead).  I've had her once before and when she saw my shoes (Irregular Choice, though I can't remember what), she was talking about a patient/customer (what do you call yourself there??) who had beautiful IC's on before, but I could tell she didn't think it was me.  I knew it was, because I remember her being really taken with my boots the last time (floral Lucky Lady) and she knew they were Irregular Choice (which is quite unusual locally), but she didn't recognise me at all.  It was on the tip of my tongue to say that I used to wear makeup so look very different now, but I just felt too awkward and didn't say anything.  A part of me is genuinely glad I look like shit, because I've gone through 20 years of keeping up appearances, looking my usual dolled-up self, which in turn means people think there's nothing wrong with me ("...but you don't look ill").  However now, it can have the opposite effect that people think I'm dying just because I'm without eyeliner and some colour in my face!  The rational part of my brain gets that this is how it has to be, it is easier and quicker to go out without all of that extra work and the trip out is difficult enough, without wasting energy on other, less important aspects, but also, everyone wants to feel nice once in a while, don't they, for their own self-esteem?  I just don't have that anymore.  

Anyway, I guess I try and work around this, like how I said I've become really passionate about perfume-I have to find ways of feeling like "me" in a much more effortless way.  Perfume instead of makeup, bags instead of shoes (the shoe room door doesn't open fully now because there's so much stuff in there and I can only reach a few pairs of shoes, so am drastically restricted in what to wear and what fits as my feet have grown).  The shoes above, Seafoam Queen by Irregular Choice (had to look them up on my own blog because I've no memory these days) were a lucky first try.  They fit, they matched my bag, they kind of matched what I was wearing and they were accessible (you also need to pay attention to heels when sitting in the dentist chair, so nothing too fancy/spiky).  The bag, Bella Bunny, is also Irregular Choice and I've always loved bag charms, but even more so these days.  Anything that clips onto a bag is definitely my weakness.  My theme for accessorising was pastel/bunnies.  A couple of days beforehand (whilst you can't save up energy for a trip-out, you need to be careful not to overdo it in the run-up), I looked out a selection and my sister helped me sort through them.  

In the end we went with a pearl wearing Esther Loves bunny, Sylvanian Families milk rabbit baby keychain, genuine Labubu (mint "Ququ") in a not so genuine Miu Miu outfit (more Chanel in that boucle tweed anyway), a Baby Three blind box storage pouch and the bunniest bunny of all, an acrylic Jungkook (BTS) and Cooky (BT21, BTS' character merch) keyring.  I love it.  My only gripe with this bag is that underneath the sequins is black, I wish it were a lighter coloured base so it didn't peek through the gaps when the sequins shift a little.  You also can't really see the bunny on the bag here, so I've included another shot further down.  My sister told me to guard the Sylvie with my life (I kept checking she was still attached), I was more worried taking a Labubu out.  Do people still break into cars for them or are they over that now?  I hate that they just collected them while it was trending, I bet they don't touch them now!  The photos of the sky I took on my way home, I was amazed by all those wispy lines (cirrus clouds?), they didn't look real, it looked like brush strokes in a painting.        

The day before the dentist I did my nails.  I've had such bad timing on that lately, usually not having enough energy to do them when I'm going out, so I was thankful I managed this time.  I used Lancome Vernis In Love 407N Gris Angora with KIKO Milano Stellar Love Metallic Spark Nail Lacquer 003 What On Space (from their 2024 New Year collection).  I managed with one coat of each on my nails, but 2 of the grey on the swatch stick (just to even it out), so it came out a little darker there.  Gris Angora is a very cool toned light grey, cream finish-no shimmer.  The top coat provided this blue galaxy style, multi dimensional look with a purple sheen in the contours.  It's a bottle I reach for a lot and it always applies well, but I wish the mirrored sphere lid (had to edit out the reflections so it looks like glass in my photo) was longer and less cumbersome as it's not easy to handle.  My photos and swatch don't do the finished result justice, it was really pretty.  

What I've been listening to; Fake Love by BTS, an oldie but still in my top 5 BTS songs of all-time, even after more recent releases.  

What I've been watching; I'm finding In Your Radiant Season on Disney+ a bit slow so I started Gold Land (on Disney+ too).  I'm pretty hooked already. It's about this woman who helps her pilot boyfriend smuggle a coffin filled with gold bars through the airport she works at.  There are various people and gangs trying to get their hands on this gold, so it's very tense at times-it's much more my type of thing.  I watched the entire 2nd season (4 eps) of Worst Ex Ever on Netflix.  So, so sad.  I do really enjoy the "Worst..." series, I think I've watched them all now.  I've said this previously, but I've just gotten into true crime in the past year or so, though it's something I need to be in the mood to watch (obviously most of them can be quite 'heavy').  

What perfumes I've been wearing; daytime and bedtime fragrance round-up below and you can see which fragrances I wore, when, in my LOTD Week 3 post.  

#Scentoftheday, clockwise from top left;  Chloe Nomade Jasmin Naturel* EDP, Elie Saab Girl Of Now Lovely* EDP, Dior Addict Rosy Glow* EDP,  Lancome La Vie Est Belle Vanille Nude* EDP, Anna Sui L'Amour Rose Saint Tropez EDP, Anna Sui Fantasia Mermaid EDT and Kayali Yum Boujee Marshmallow 81* EDP.  

Bedtime scents, clockwise from top left;  By Rosie Jane Dulce* EDP, Burberry London For Women* EDP, Dior Pure Poison* EDP, Marc Jacobs Daisy Murakami Green* EDP and Lolita Lempicka Mon Premier Parfum EDP.   

What I bought;  Not a whole lot technically.  My sister was buying stickers and binders and I had some points to use, so got this little photocard album for free.  I thought the illustrations were absolutely adorable on it.  I just quickly put some Jungkook cards in it, but I need to properly sort it and get protective sleeves for all my cards too.  If I remember correctly it fits 36 cards, plus the one in the cover.  I like that it's got a hole at the side for a keychain too.    

A bonus close up of longer haired/wet Jungkook (190811 iykyk), because it's my blog and I can!

We (my sister and I), also ordered our Aniteez In Color merch I spoke about last time.  Below was my final wishlist and I've crossed out the things I decided against.  I'm still kinda wishing I'd gone for the plush photocard holder, but I felt I was spending too much.  I didn't get Wooyoung's cat in pink (usually he's black) because I wasn't sure about the tone, it wasn't as cool toned as the squirrel (sorry I haven't learnt any of their pets names) and I was worried it would look too peachy in person.  The multi coloured one, this is what's hard, you're judging it by the stock photo and here his cat is again too peachy-pink for me, whereas the squirrel has a good mix of all colours.  Obviously I don't know what I'm going to get though (we were able to request nothing too orangey, but they might only get those tones in).  It's annoying when you can't choose in person.  So I got Hongjoong's squirrel in pink and multi, Yeosang in mint (so excited about this as it's my favourite colour), Wooyoung's regular (small) plush black cat keychain (there are bigger ones you can dress etc, but I don't have room for that) and then this sitting one wearing the hooded cape.  The little flat face keyrings were a random gacha at the event, but we found somewhere we could order the ones we wanted, so I got Hongjoong, Yeosang and Wooyoung.  They are really fuzzy and can be linked together.  Mum said I could get the majority for my (then, upcoming) birthday, so that helped me out a lot.  It'll be a very delayed present as they're not due until Autumn!    

What I want to buy; Tatcha, anything! When I saw this email (below) pop up about a free Kissu Lip Mask and keyring case, I was so excited.  I neeed that case for my lip balm (see what I mean about the obsession of clipping anything onto a bag)!  It's beautiful...plus I just finished one of these masks last month, was that a sign?  

What I've been loving; Laneige Bouncy & Firm Sleeping Mask*.  I previously had the smaller size and enjoyed it so much that I bought the larger one.  Night cream is the one skincare item I do regularly buy, as I don't have a stash of it.  I've tried Laneige's sleep masks before and not been overly impressed, but with this one, I just look so rested and bright and plump in the morning.  It has a very nice subtle, gentle scent too.  

Phew, that wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.  After procrastinating for days, I only took out a paragraph or so.  Hope your week has gone well x