It's Me, I'm Back!

Post does not contain any PR gifted products.  Post does not contain any affiliate links.

Hi gang! Long time no see, huh? I'm not sure I have the adequate words right now for why I haven't posted since Christmas Eve 2022, but I felt I couldn't begin without any explanation at all, so here goes.  Basically a lot has changed in the past few years, whilst nothing has really changed at all! I know that sounds cryptic, but in a nutshell, I've become less and less able to do what I used to (for those that don't know, I've had M.E. since 2002), so blogging was something that fell by the wayside.  I found social media too much, I spoke about this a little on the blog at the time (I stopped posting on Instagram in 2020).  To be honest the pandemic was a bit of a turning point for me in that.  I don't really want to expand too much because I'd be here all day, but I personally loved lockdown.  It was the 'busiest' and most included I'd felt in 18 years of illness (at that point).  The aftermath though, was what I struggled with, mentally.  Suddenly all those things I was involved with online were happening offline which I couldn't access, everyone went back to their regular lives and forgot that a lot of people live in that hell, day in, day out and are excluded from everyday life.  My life was and still is, more rigid than even the strictest lockdown conditions, so I felt very unseen and unheard.  Throughout my life, "fitting in" has never been something I've excelled at, I've always been the person to dance to the beat of their own drum, so it's not a case of me wanting to fit in, but more that I just wasn't sure of my place anymore.  My life was so different to the majority, trapped within the same 4 walls day and night, that I just couldn't see how anything I shared would be of interest or benefit anyone. Anyway, I kept my Tumblr going (until last year), because I felt more anonymous there and therefore under less pressure.  I actually enjoyed solely posting there, though inevitably that became too much as well. Social media is draining for all of us, but more so those with a chronic illness, simply replying to comments and sticking to a regular schedule feels like a tremendous burden where you must be habitually online and there's absolutely no time to rest.  I also think social media is constantly changing, for the worse quite frankly.  YouTube was the thing, then short messages on Twitter, then Instagram and their square photos took over (R.I.P.), then engagement and concentration were reduced to just a few seconds for TikTok videos.  I could rant for hours about the awful, awful world that is "influencer culture" (Kiki Chanel, Susannah Friesen and Hannah Alonzo on YouTube regularly analyse influencer entitlement/insanity and overconsumption if you're looking for a reality check); the begging for freebies, the yelling (stereotypical dodgy used car salesmen springs to mind), the lying, the ragebait, the oversharing and don't even get me started on the universal influencer accent and those annoying hand movements, "OMG you guys, I'm like literally OBSESSED"!

I didn't want to be a part of that, but I'm also not coming from a holier than thou stance on this.  Overconsumption has always been an issue I've struggled with (my whole family seems to have that "collector" attitude to things), so I felt by being a blogger who used social media and bought a lot...I was perhaps teetering around that territory (please, I beg you though, never, ever, call me an "influencer" or "digital content creator", *shudders*)!  In all honesty, I haven't missed social media all that much-it's often a pretty toxic place to be and so I don't see myself returning to the pressures of that anytime soon.  I did miss blogging though, but knew I was far from able to come back.  I'm confined to one room now, all day and night (it's been this way for several years), so taking photos is probably my biggest hurdle in returning (not a vast space to do so, bad lighting in the room and no energy to haul masses of things out (and put them away again) for photographing).  I'm not sure I even remember how to publish a post (if you're reading this (with pictures!) then yay, I did it!) and I realise not many people, if any, are interested in reading blogs nowadays.  Like I mentioned earlier, years of differing social media trends has left us with this short attention span and even back when I was on Instagram, you'd notice people asking something you'd already covered in the description, but they couldn't be bothered reading a couple of accompanying sentences alongside the image.  I know my habits have certainly changed, I no longer keep up with the blogs I used to and suspect the majority no longer exist (the blogs, not the people behind them).  I'm also very aware of the shift in my content and that this will likely not appeal to my older readers.  Colourful hair, fancy shoes and a full face of makeup are sadly a distant memory for me, I wish it wasn't that way, but it is.  I think I'd be unrecognisable to most of you now, but I've had to adapt to my circumstances and deteriorating ability, so those things no longer fit in my daily life.  

I've felt the pull to come back to blogging for quite some time, but it's taken months for me to even get to the stage of writing this post.  I feel the desire to do it for me, to blog for blogging's sake if you will! Not to sell stuff, not to make money and not to appeal to the masses.  I know some might see that as selfish or stupid-that I'm not trying to be 'successful' or aiming to please, but I want to get back to blogging random things, to have that outlet that I've poured my heart into since 2008, when I'm otherwise so isolated from the world.  People blogged back then for the love of blogging, there was no hidden agenda, it wasn't to become popular and get paid for sharing their everyday lives-a custom that is still largely lost on me to be truthful.  Blogs were unique, people had genuine opinions and skills, rather than a paid viewpoint where they'll say whatever in order to sell, sell, sell.  Where's the originality in the influencer I described above where everyone wears the same things, likes the same things and speaks in the same way?  It's gone! People are afraid to be themselves and think for themselves now.  They're all just uptalk, vocal fry, nail tapping, claw-pinching sheep now!  I want sincere reasoning on why I shouldn't waste my money on this or would probably love that, I don't want to be shouted at by a grifter who would sell that sincerity for a freebie and con me into buying something they don't even use beyond the AD.  I don't want TV or magazine worthy adverts with an almost robotic blurb, when you're just a regular gal or guy sharing your interests online, that's the job of the brand itself and I certainly don't want a 10 year old influencer giving me advice on anti-ageing skincare or a 22 year old with artificially, over-inflated lips telling me which lip plumping gloss I should buy, it's ridiculous!  Not everything needs to be monetized, conning people with inaccurate messaging isn't being a savvy "boss lady", it's being deceitful and us old-time bloggers and vloggers prided ourselves on being honest with our viewers, but it appears that doesn't matter anymore.    

So what's changed? The blog, as you'll notice, looks a bit different.  I was frustrated with the maximum (small) width of images I could upload before, so I've got a new layout (still got some work to do on it-I'm just finding my way around at the moment).  The photos at times might be sub-par, but I'll do the best I can, when I can.  The content will be the biggest change, like I said.  It's been years since I bought shoes (what I was probably most known for) and leaving the house twice a year for dentist visits really doesn't justify shoe or clothes hauls or OOTD's.  If you kept up with my Tumblr posts you'll likely have seen my LOTD (lip of the day) posts over the years.  Around 2021/22 ish I began wearing different lip combos every day and putting clasps or hairbands in my hair to just feel a bit like the old me (btw I literally grew out my hair colour from 2019 (the last time I dyed it) and my fringe).  It was the most minimal effort self-esteem/mood booster I could think of.  I also fell back in love with fragrance.  Perfume was an early love of mine (from mail ordering Yves Rocher in my early teens to working on a beauty counter in my mid/late teens), I've become rather obsessive about it over the past few years, so I'll definitely be sharing my LOTD's and fragrance reviews/wears.  I've been on a low-buy, actually more of a no-buy, for body and skincare for many years now (because I have so much in my stash from gifts with purchase that I'd like to use up before they expire), so there will be 'empties' every month and wee reviews of what I liked and didn't.  

I also want to add in some random bits.  You probably know I've been a Korean drama addict for at least a decade now (it's pretty much all I watch) and over the past few years I've become a K-Pop devotee (BTS and other boy groups mainly).  I don't want to ignore the fact that life is crap and paint this rosy, romantic notion of how things are, because I don't think that does M.E. any favours (and it's already a super misunderstood condition), but I also find it really difficult to talk about without sounding like a moaner (to able-bodied people), so there will be bits here and there.  As I used to do, each post will be clearly marked at the top (before any content) of whether that post contains PR gifted items (honestly, highly unlikely) and affiliate links (affiliate links can earn a small commission on purchases made through those links at no extra cost to the customer) will now be marked with * so you can differentiate them from other links.  My shopping links page is at the top of my blog, but you're under no obligation to use those links or ones in my posts .  You're still very welcome here and I'll still post content (for free, nothing is behind a paywall) and I'll still link to brands and shops I'm not affiliated with.  If I'm raving or hating a product, I'll rave or hate it whether that link could earn me money or not.  As I've said, I want to blog about anything, not be confined to products that could potentially earn me pennies.  It's so important to me as both a blogger and consumer/reader to not only hear honest viewpoints, but to see transparency in whether a product was gifted for review, words were put into the reviewers mouth, money was given for said review, links are affiliated etc.  I see no benefit in lying and am sick of those that sneak AD's into their posts.     

So I think that's everything covered.  Posting may be regular, it may be sporadic, photographs might not be top quality, but that's the nature of my illness unfortunately.  I'm posting for myself, not a glossy magazine! I don't want to put too much pressure on myself to churn out constant blog posts (as I've done in the past), because it only leads to me feeling like I've let everyone down if I don't manage that schedule, plus I'm very ill, I need to remind myself of that sometimes too!  I have a post idea that will incorporate most of the aforementioned topics that ideally I'd like to stick to weekly.  The Shoe Girl Diaries (my shoe focused blog) is still unfortunately on hiatus...shoe blogging is much more physically demanding and I just know that's way outside my capabilities now, but it's still there for you to refer to if you're needing shoe style names or advice on sizing.  Before publishing this post, I found an old blog of mine from May 2018, where I'd taken, if I remember correctly, the longest break from blogging due to fatigue and I actually found it reassuring to remember that it's always been a struggle, but also that I had a passion for doing it and how much I wanted to get back to it (feel, I was way more articulate back then, which wouldn't be surprising as I'm mostly by myself all day, so don't talk much).  I realise I may be 'speaking' to nobody here because it's been years since I last posted and indeed disappeared without any explanation, but regardless, this is something I want to do, so I'm doing it anyway.  I want to find my space again and one reader or none, I'm just happy to be back x