Wednesday, 6 August 2008

What a Week!

I made a decision at the start of blogging, that I wouldn't bring too much about my personal life into the posts and keep it more light-hearted and fun, a little bit of escapism. I know from visiting others blogs, that although you want to get a sense of who that person is, their personality usually shines through without the reader knowing every little detail about the bloggers life. Of course, on occasion, when there is a lot going on, it's difficult not to share that with you all.

I've touched on the subject before that I have M.E. I could easily provide you with stories of the everyday battle I face, although I don't think that would be much of a fun read. It's a very complex and misunderstood illness. Not enough research for a cure has been done and at present there isn't one, I suppose because it isn't fatal, it is deemed less 'urgent'. Every new drug/plan you try is trial and error and a lot of guess work and inevitably disappointment is involved.

I'm at a point now where I'm really struggling. It's taken 6 years of my life away from me and if I'm honest I'm not any further forward than I was at the start. It's so difficult to put into words the feelings that I've gone through and just how much this affects me.

So this week has been a bit of a nightmare so far, you know when everything just seems to be going wrong? Among others, last week our shower decided to break as I'm standing there with a full head of pink dye. I ended up having to kneel in the bathtub and rinse it out (a hard task) under the taps. Anyone who's used this dye will know that the more water you add the more pink you get. Anyway I was in excruciating pain during and afterwards and have been in severe pain all week as a result of this. Said shower is still not fixed 'waiting on a part', so it's either pink baths (and body) or more pain to come. Beauty hurts!

I've had a couple of 'fat days' too. It's very rare that I take off my makeup, let down my hair and decide I look better like that, but that's what it's been like. I know I've put on a lot of weight since being ill, it's bound to happen when I can't do any exercise/walking. Most of the time I think I try to ignore it and work with what I've got, but feeling uncomfortable in your clothes and aching because your boobs are getting so big, doesn't do much for the confidence! I've tried dieting, but it only works for a few pounds, then you need some sort of activity as well as watching your food intake.

Then yesterday I woke in a foul mood. Medication I use to help me sleep has been increased slighty and sometimes it feels like I've been knocked out. I was vaguely aware of a noise y'day morning but couldn't quite get out of my deep sleep. A minute later I hear the letterbox and scramble downstairs to find a note from the postman, I'd missed some parcels. Four to be exact, four parcels!!!!! Who is ever lucky enough to get 4 parcels without it being Christmas/birthday? That would have cheered me up immensely.

Of course I can't walk to the delivery office as I can only manage short distances, my parents are on holiday and my sister works when the office is open. It has to be left until her day off on Thursday and I don't even know if she'll manage all the parcels by herself (as one is probably asos, with 4 pairs of shoes in it). I was so angry with myself and so disappointed, I know it may sound trivial but getting packages is all that keeps me going sometimes, confined to the house all day. So that's been my last few days, I've not had much luck, but rant over. I know there are people a lot worse off than me and I have to be thankful for what I do have.

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